Decades ago, Florence Barker gave her husband, Sam, a greeting card brandishing a Johann Wolfgang von Goethe quote.
It read, “This is the true measure of love: when we believe that we alone can love, that no one could ever have loved so before us, and that no one will ever love in the same way after us.”
At the time, she purchased the card because she felt that the quote described her relationship with Sam. After 50 years of marriage, Florence said it still holds true.
The couple first met as juniors at Kootenai High School and attended the University of Idaho two years later. Although they dated on-and-off throughout high school and college, the two had intended to enroll at the university before they met. Florence was carrying on the Vandal tradition that three of her five brothers had established. Sam, who lived in the Coeur d’Alene area, was looking for a university close to home.
Tess Fox | Blot Magazine
Florence and Sam Barker visited the UI campus for their 50th reunion in September.
As students in the 1960s, their college experience was far from that of a student’s today. Female students, like Florence, could not wear pants unless the temperature dropped below zero degrees Fahrenheit and were required to abide by a 10 p.m. curfew.
The country was experiencing a wide range of political and social change as well. From the Civil Rights Movement to the war in Vietnam, Florence said she and Sam were studying at the university while transformational events were happening in the country around them.
“A lot of things happened during that time that were critical to U.S. history,” Florence said. “The missile crisis happened when we were freshmen, JFK was shot and killed when we were sophomores. We were in German class when the professor announced that President Kennedy had been shot. We got back to the dorm for lunch and it was announced he had died.”
In their biochemistry class, they learned about DNA for the first time.
“We’d never heard of that before,” Sam said. “We had no idea that cells had a way to reproduce themselves — that was astounding.”
Sam said learning about the shifting sociopolitical environment of the time period while attending UI contributed to the views of the world they would later adopt.
“We learned a lot of tolerance here,” Sam said.
Florence Barker | Courtesy
Sam and Florence Barker cut their wedding cake.
In addition to the national history they experienced while on campus, the couple also created a history of their own. The first time Sam told Florence that he loved her was on the UI Golf Course. At a basketball game, he gave her a blue plastic ring from a box of Cracker Jacks and while at the Dipper, a former student hang out spot in the basement of the Bruce M. Pitman Center, he proposed.
The two were married in a church in downtown Moscow shortly after their graduation from UI in 1966. This year they celebrate their 50th anniversary as Vandal graduates and as husband and wife.
During the first 10 years of their marriage, Florence said their friends would often remark on how lucky she and Sam were to have chosen each other. However, she did not think the secret to their marital success was based solely on luck.
“It was careful choosing. We’d had a long courtship, off and mostly on, in the six years we’d known each other,” Florence said. “We’d explored our ideas thoroughly during that time, discussing most everything. Not much was left to chance. But when trouble hit, I discovered that luck did play a part.”
Florence said she and Sam were struck by illness early on in their marriage. It was a significant obstacle that they worked to overcome.
“When you promise to love for better or for worse, you’re thinking for better,” Florence said. “When you vow in sickness and in health, you’re not planning for sickness.”
Despite the challenges posed early on in their marriage, the couple pursued graduate degrees at the University of Wyoming, where they decided to start and raise their family.
“That’s when we adopted our three children,” Florence said. “They were all adopted as infants. I was 25 with our first child, Reneé. Two years later, we had Scott, and in another two years, we had Natasha. Now they’re all grown up, and they’re all still beautiful.”
Florence Barker | Courtesy
Following graduation from UI, Sam and Florence pursued graduate degrees and started a family.
When Florence looks for old photos of her and Sam, she said she often can only find photos of their children and grandchildren. Above all else, Florence and Sam said they value their family.
“I find a zillion pictures of our children, of Sam with our children,” Florence said. “In later years there is a multitude of pictures of grandchildren and Sam with our grandchildren. These pictures bring home a truth that we’ve acknowledged before. We place a high value on our family, and we are very child-centered.”
Today, they are heavily involved in their grandchildren’s lives. Florence said that while their marriage wasn’t always perfect, she and Sam have cherished their time together.
“The little things that happen regularly remind us of events long ago, and we share the happiness we felt then or sometimes the disappointment,” Florence said. “The sense of humor that helped form the bond in the beginning still exists today. The fact that we can still make each other laugh helps us over rough spots.”
Florence said among the secrets to 50 years of marriage is remembering the good times, even something as small as one dance, during times of turmoil.
One winter, Florence said she and Sam took their family to Hawaii. They were celebrating New Year’s Eve in Honolulu when their children urged the couple to dance.
“I was willing, but Sam resisted,” Florence said. “Finally, he made a deal that he knew he could win. ‘I’ll tell you what,’ he said, ‘If the next song is “Moon River,” I’ll dance.’ The next song began, ‘Moon River, wider than a mile …’ In a mild state of disbelief, he took me in his arms and we danced to the music we’d called our song since college.”