“So, is it a Zak day?”
It was a question posed by his partner nearly four years ago. With tears running down his face he relinquished his old identity and embraced his actual self: Zak Moreno.
Moreno, a University of Idaho student who now identifies as a transgender man, began his hormonal transition close to three years ago — Nov. 18, 2016, to be exact.
Part of Moreno’s everyday life includes using a binder, a constrictive bra-like material that binds down the breasts. Binders, hormones and surgeries can all be a part of transitioning.
For Moreno top surgery — an operation that removes breast tissue — is something he hopes to have done. The price point, however, has halted that decision. With a cost of $7,000 dollars, Moreno’s current insurance plans will not cover it.
The surgical coordinator for Palouse Surgeons, Sarah Bergman, who identifies as a transgender woman, said many private insurance companies covers what they call gender reaffirming surgery. Medicaid, however, does not.
“I see myself as a guy body,” Moreno said. “I can see what I’m supposed to look like, but there are these two things (breasts) that are just stopping it.”
Unlike Moreno, Athene Peterson, a UI first-year student who identifies as a woman using “she” and “her” pronouns, began her transition three months ago.
However, Peterson began questioning her gender much earlier, having dreams about her true identity when she was just a child. But it took her until middle school to begin to understand what these thoughts meant for her.
“I tried to deny it, and pretend like, ‘Oh, that can’t be true. That’s not what I am,’” Peterson said. “Over time, I started to become more open to the idea.”
Students who find themselves questioning their identity, sexuality or gender can meet with Julia Keleher, director of the UI LGBTQA Office.
Keleher provides resources for students who identify as LBGTQA, including helping transgender students with name changes. Students can change their names on their student emails, but the school’s official record will show their legal name.
During fall 2015, Moreno shed his dead name — the birth name he used before transitioning — by beginning to tell his teachers his correct name and writing “Zak” in parentheses next to his dead name.
A professor at the time emailed Moreno asking him for clarification as he wanted to be clear in class. “Do you want to be known as Zak?”
“Yeah, that would be great,” Moreno said.
He remembers the change in his calf muscles from the softer roundedness of women’s legs to the sharper dip that men’s legs tend to have.
“I literally yelled and was like, ‘Come see this,’” Moreno said. “‘Look at that muscle definition.’ And it was like the silliest, stupidest thing and I was super happy about it.”
When people go through gender reaffirming surgery, they will have to go through mental health provider before they ever see the doctor, said Dr. Geoffrey D. Stiller.
Making sure there are no other mental health factors in the way of the surgery, the mental health provider will clear the patient to go on with the surgery.
“Their choice going through is solely because of their gender dysphoria,” Stiller said.
Athene Peterson began her transition six months ago.
Although Peterson officially began publicly transitioning three months ago, she began her use of hormones six months ago.
The effects of hormones for transgender women aren’t as visible, taking two to three years to fully develop. She said this allowed her to experience some of the changes before openly transitioning.
Now, Peterson has also begun socially transitioning, starting to dress and showcasing herself as a woman.
“(I’ve been able to) start acting the way I’ve sort of felt,” Peterson said. “And presenting the way I’ve sort of felt.”
Peterson has not only found support in her family, but also in the UI transgender community and LGBTQA Office.
She said the latter has been a helpful and influential piece of her life as she goes through her transition.
Peterson never expected to transition so quickly, but wanted to speed up the process after meeting other transgender people.
While Moreno’s family had accepted his sexuality, coming out as transgender was a much different story.
Moreno’s mother was the most accepting person of his transition, he said. However, other family members were initially less accepting of his new identity.
“Who I was before I transitioned and who I am now are completely different people,” Moreno said. “But like realistically, I’m still completely the same nerdy, weird kid.”
Keleher said since society is so deeply rooted in gender, societal systems largely don’t include those of non-binary identities.
Students such as Moreno and Peterson defy the social norms of gender roles.
“I don’t like gender roles — but I’d like to conform to them,” Peterson said.
While transgender surgeries can be controversial socially — in the medical world, it is not, Still said.
“The most important thing to me is the person sitting in front of me,”
While the medical practice has yet to be perfected, Stiller said it is the best doctors have to offer at the moment.
While it may be easy to conform to these societal expectations, Moreno aims to be himself.
“We just want to live,” Moreno said. “We just want what everyone else has.”
Story and photos by Alex Brizee
Design by Ethan Coy