So you want to talk about they/them pronouns

Despite progress and more open conversations on the use of they/them pronouns, many individuals have a hard time wrapping their minds around it.

With one in four LGBTQ members using pronouns that fall out of the binary system of genders, according to a survey from The Trevor Project, it’s important we understand this community and make them feel comfortable with their use of identification.

They/them pronouns are gender-neutral pronouns used for a singular person who doesn’t identify as she/her or he/him. Being able to illustrate and respect the use of gender-neutral pronouns
can help members of the LGBTQ community feel safe in their schools, friend groups, families and with themselves. However, figuring out the use of gender-neutral pronouns can be difficult.

Despite progress and more open conversations on the use of they/them pronouns, many individuals have a hard time wrapping their minds around it.

With one in four LGBTQ members using pronouns that fall out of the binary system of genders, according to a survey from The Trevor Project, it’s important we understand this community and make them feel comfortable with their use of identification.

They/them pronouns are gender-neutral pronouns used for a singular person who doesn’t identify as she/her or he/him. Being able to illustrate and respect the use of gender-neutral pronouns
can help members of the LGBTQ community feel safe in their schools, friend groups, families and with themselves. However, figuring out the use of gender-neutral pronouns can be difficult.

Teja Sunku, a senior at the University of Idaho studying philosophy and statistics, started using they/them pronouns about two years ago after debating it for some time.

“I was confused at first, but it also made the most sense for me,” Sunku said.

For many people, like Sunku, it can be challenging to get parents to understand this change of wording, gender identity and form of expression when their children don’t feel like they fit in the binary built by society.

“I haven’t really brought it up to my parents,” Sunku said. “If the topic comes up, I’ll try to talk about it, but I have not come out yet.”

Sock Frasure, a sophomore studying pre-veterinary medicine, also commented on the difficulty getting their parents to understand gender identity and sexuality after beginning to use gender-neutral pronouns a few months ago.

“I didn’t expect my family to not be supportive,” Frasure said. “However, it made me feel more comfortable to reach out to the community and to my friends for support.”

The Trevor Project was one of the few places Frasure felt comfortable reaching out to. The organization focuses on suicide prevention in the LGBTQ community and provides a sense of inclusivity worldwide.

In addition, the University of Idaho LGBTQA Office and the Women’s Center are both supportive places on campus that Sunku and Frasure said can be places of comfort. However, due to COVID-19, there is limited spacing, causing uncertainty for those on campus who need extra support during this time.

“Sometimes when I dress or act a certain way in public, I feel nervous and fearful,” Frasure said. “Resources have gone down
for us, there are limited gender-inclusive restrooms and the protests here can be disheartening.”

Frasure also mentioned how important it is to use the right pronouns in classrooms, workplaces and in friendships, and why having gender-inclusive restrooms can create a safe place for this community.

“Using the right pronouns shows that it’s
a space where I can feel and be vulnerable,” Frasure said. “And being able to use a restroom that is gender-inclusive makes me feel respected.”

According to the university’s website, UI has roughly 14 unisex restrooms and four gender single-use restrooms on the Moscow campus. However, some buildings do not have any of these options in their building, causing individuals who do not correspond to binary pronouns to use their past pronouns, which can be uncomfortable.

“I will use the men’s restroom if I have to,” Frasure said. “However, I would prefer more inclusive restrooms, especially on campus.”

Gender-inclusive restrooms have been an important topic in the city of Moscow, in hopes of having future facilities include such accommodations and support the LGBTQ community, especially with growing use of gender-neutral pronouns.

Sunku and Frasure are two different people with similar stories, trying to find themselves in a place where support isn’t found through their families and resources are difficult to find. Despite these challenges, both seem at peace with themselves and
their journey.

“You can be whoever you want to be,” Frasure said. “But also make sure to find friends who support you.”

*The captions for this article have been updated to correct misidentification